Have you ever been sitting alone on a Saturday night, with teardrops in your eyes thinking one thing: why don’t have anyone else to hang out with? Why have I not talked to another human this entire weekend? I have. Coming into my twenties, I was in one word: lonely – which was frankly an emotion I had never felt before. Friends with significant others, girls with their groups, and me, alone. Well, except for Netflix. Me and Netflix.
I lived in a sorority house in college, was always surrounded by friends in high school and all of a sudden, come your graduation, you are alone. This might be a kind of depressing start to a post on a pink blog, but if you are feeling this way trust me – keep reading and maybe just maybe your day will suck a little bit less.
Maybe you’re like me, and you moved across the country. Maybe your friends just got busy, or you all started to drift.
Regardless of whether I was in a relationship, doing well at work, whatever it was, I found my early twenties to be ridiculously lonely. I practiced hanging out with myself, and heck! I loved hanging out with myself, but I still felt this overwhelming sense of teetering off the edge.
Maybe it’s because I moved away from home or because your twenties are just filled out with so many damn “I don’t know what will come next”. Or MAYBE it’s just because I’m a Libra and love balance, but either way, I can’t be the only one feeling this way. (see, we’re NOT alone)!
In the myriad of times, I’ve felt lonely, I’ve come up with a sure-fire step by step guide to becoming, un-lonely. HA. But seriously, it’s normal to feel this way. And it sucks, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not uncommon. Especially in your twenties. I hope by reading this post, you realize that you are actually not alone. And that everyone feels lonely. Yes, everyone.
Here are five things to do when you are feeling lonely:
What To Do When You Feel Lonely
Try and identify a cause
If you are feeling lonely all of a sudden – dig deep and try and identify a cause. For the times I’ve felt the worst, I had just broken up with my best friends, got dumped by a boyfriend and literally had no one texting me, no one talking to me. Well, of course, I felt alone!
IMO, adding some normalcy and explanation as to why you feel lonely, makes it a little less crappy. If you can understand that this isn’t you, and simply a product of your current situation – it sucks a little bit less.
Look at the facts
You’ve probably read a lot of my posts about how I struggled with making friends after college. Honestly, this was my biggest source of loneliness.
Try assessing your values and what matters to you most if you are feeling lonely. What fills you up, that you are missing? Remember that you can only provide your own happiness, so learning how to understand your own values, and what matters to you will go a long way.
What are your truth and your facts about what builds you up, and what makes you feel full? If you can understand these facts, you can really avoid loneliness.
As a challenge, I try and force myself to hang out along every few weeks, for an extended period of time. It’s sometimes hard but always moves this muscle for me.
Get some human interaction
Being a completely social loving person, sitting home alone (even when I’m choosing to hang out alone) can be tough. For me, this makes any loneliness worse.
Even if you are choosing to hang out alone, try going to a coffee shop, or sitting in a park. Be around other humans, because it usually helps!
Listen to a podcast
There’s something about podcasts that make me feel like I’m *best* friends with the people speaking. Isn’t that odd? But true? Lol!
If you are hanging out by yourself for a little while, try listening to a podcast while you do it. You’ll feel less lonely, feeling like you are part of the conversation.
Would you judge me if I said that sometimes I talked *back* to the podcasts? LOL!
Make plans for the future
Look – even if you have one friend or one work acquittance, plan with them. Ask them to drinks, maybe a little happy hour or a work out class. Do something with other people.
Try putting yourself out there, if you are in a lonely state right now, that’s OK! But, you have to work on taking action.
Join a club
Let’s say the friend pool wherever you are is a little dry. There was a time where I was forcing myself to be friends with a group of girls who were just so unlike me (ie would hook up with your boyfriend while doing drugs at 10am). I couldn’t do it.
I’ve mentioned before that common interest is one of the best ways to make a friend, so try this and join a community. Have this help you be less lonely.
Do something for yourself
If you are having a lonely moment, (yes, it is a moment, NOT permeant), find a way to do something for yourself. I don’t care if it’s monetary or not, but do something for yourself. So whether this is signing up for a class, treating yourself for a new pair of jeans, listening to a new audiobook – show yourself that you can support you, and you can make yourself happy.
Look – however, you are feeling lonely, know that it is a moment. A lonely moment. Nothing permeant. Tell me what’s going in your life and we can talk about how you’re not alone, because I bet someone else is dealing with the same thing, right now. Hang in there pumpkin, I’m rooting for you.